Surrender

I try so hard to control things in my life that, in reality, I have no control over. I put so much thought into what I can say, or things I can do to make life go the way I want it...or to fix the things/relationships I have broken. In the end, I wind up being stressed, and frustrated at the way things turn out. I feel like a fish swimming upstream, trying with all my might to get to that place of satisfaction. I think, "man, if I could just make this situation go right, then everything would be perfect." However, no matter how hard I try, I fail.

This is when I realize I need to surrender...I need to release control, and let the Lord take care of me. He has a plan, and it does not include me taking the drivers wheel. It means sitting in the passangers seat, and trusting that the wild ride ahead of me, no matter how scarry...has a happy ending.

I know this is what I am supposed to do...but knowing is alot easier than doing. Reguardless, I will choose to trust Him. I will expect Him to work in my life, rather than wonder if He is.

God's promise to me: "I promise you that no matter what, I have you, and you will be ok."

My motto for this week: "Let go and let God."

War

I recieved an email today...it showed a picture of a soldier that had lost a hand, a leg and any eye while trying to disarm a bomb in Iraq. This email is not out of the ordinary, it is not the first article, nor will it be the last I recieve about the reality and face of war. However, today it struck a different chord in my heart.
Often most of us go through our lives, day in day out, with a set routine. We wake up, eat, go to work, come home, eat...maybe, if were feeling guilty..go to the gym...or choose to ignore it for just one more day and just work out the remote instead. Go to bed...sleep...wake up, and start all over again. Exciting huh! I can attest to this routine, and sometimes just to stir things up, i even consider opening my bible or maybe spending some time in prayer. But, as i'm too "tired" to complicate my night with God...I shove that idea into the deepest corner of my mind and decide I will definatly dedicate time tomorrow. I work so hard on being honest with those around me...yet I lie to myself.
I recently started reading a book by John Eldridge called "Waking the Dead," The glory of a heart fully alive. In the two chapters I have read, there has been a stirring of my heart to face the reality that surrounds me, and to stop pretending or hiding from the truth and the world that surrounds me. In the book Eldridge talks about
"the heart being the center of human life..." and the fact that somehow, we have lost this truth.
***unfinished***will continue later***************************

Busy

I run around every day trying to comlete my various tasks in the few hours provided me. Though I squeeze in as much as possible and get as much done as I can, at the end of the day- as I finally crawl into bed I use whatever energy I have left to whisper a prayer and doze off. In the midst of all my busy- ness, I seem to "forget" to open up the Bible, even if just for a moment, to read an encouraging word. I blame it on my lack of time- it coudn't possibly be that I am placing other importances if front of studying the word.
Finally the moment comes when I have free time. A time to catch up on whats needed. The first thing I think of is opening up my bible and spending time with my father. However, it seems to be the last thing I do. Isn't it funny how I am presented with the oportunity to study and pray, yet all I can think of is "what else can i get done first?" Who can I call- I suddenly feel like I need to pick up my phone and call a friend, "who can I hang out with today, where can we go." I now feel like I don't have enough to fill my day- now I WANt to be busy.
I am only cheating myself when I conveniently choose to be too busy to spend time with the Lord. At what point do I fall to my knees and cry out to the Lord for the replenishment I need. A friend encouraged me the other day with this verse; "draw near to God, and He will draw near to you..." How quickly I forget the importance of slowing down every day, no matter what- and spending time with my creator. I am so greatful that He is a loving, forgiving father- He is willing to hel p us through our weaknesses, and still love us through it all.

Passion

Passion: "the spiritual life on caffeine," (relevant magazine march/april). I have decided that it is this small, but powerful seven letter word that is missing from my life...not only am i lacking this in my everyday life, but even more importantly in my walk with the Lord. The fire that once consumed my spirit has all but gone out. I try to fuel the few embers that still remain, but it seems like a lost cause.
"Church-ianity" (or christian culture) is when we get bored with God, and our life with Him is no longer a dynamic and living but only a passed-down thing, like a dirty rag or cryptic relic. It's our limited vision. It's our busyness with the unessential." How do I become this? Bored with God? I know all that is true, I have story upon story to testify the things He has done in my life, and every reason to show zeal for that. At what point do i become lax and lose that spiritual high?
The only reason I am here today is because of Jesus in my life- yet there are days that go by where I fail to acknowledge His existance. Why is it such a struggle? A struggle to spend time with my father, the only one who loves me without fail so unconditionally. All i can do is ask forgiveness and move forward, I will not dwell in my shortcomings or setbacks but rather use them as stepping stones to become the woman God has called me to be. Amen!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11